Philosophy Phriday: What do you think?

Ms. Disaster is going on a debauch holiday. i know what you are thinking. right? like she needs one. Here is the question for the Philosopher who is totally passed out from what i hear.

Dear Philosopher:

My neighbour was wasted the other day at my local watering hole and hit on me inappropriately. Now i wonder if he is like looking in my windows at night and peeping me in my skivvies. How should i handle this horribly uncomfortable situation?

Weirded out in Smallsville

withnail & i

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/12493769525206137149/Withnail-and-You

omg...there is a test regarding my favorite movie ever

you probably haven't seen it, but then again

you probably aren't as cool as barry

Dopplegangers

Two for Tuesday Showdown: Hair of the Dog

"hair of the dog" is a fairly new term to me though the concept is most certainly not. apparently others have heard of this term as well... for example, it is: a brewing company, Irish folk band, and the title of a song with the most ridiculous lyrics i've ever seen (a must read). i could seriously use some of this right now...you're thinkin, jaysus girl, it's tuesday. let's just say, i cave under peer pressure easily.

Mustache Monday (Vacation Edition) Vol. 14 (I think)

sorry Mer, I just can't not do it.


--Mustache Addict

Merlikethesea Monday

So yeah, it’s Monday, there is supposed to be some ridiculous bravado regarding mustaches today. But here is the thing…I really don’t like facial hair and Claire is out on holiday. So this is what you’re going to get…an actual, like ferreal update on my life that may give you some perspective on the ridiculous nature of my “blawgs”.

First of all, I am supposed to be “hitting the pavement hard” in search of a new job in this land of opportunity called America. However, after a week of constant house guests (love you guys) and the subsequent week of borderline Epstein-Barr, flu-like symptoms, the only thing that was accomplished was a half-arsed application in San Francisco. Though the thought of a city built on a hill with a temperate climate, bay breeze, and Irish bars galore as well as easy access to concerts at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley all sound brilliant…it is probably entirely unrealistic.

While in my sickly haze I also read Freakonomics and the first three Harry Potter books (again). My life can be so exciting sometimes.

This weekend, I am visiting the ole’ university/gentleman caller for some football game/tailgating action. Did anyone see the Princeton Review? WVU is back on top as the #1 party school, and our football team is ranked pre-season #3. Heck, that is something to be proud of (i guess), except that means even more New Jersey S-head McF-faces running around and traffic that moves slower than you can walk.

Also on the agenda is visiting the fam, which would be great if all that entailed was hanging out with my maniacal mer-miniature niece who reeks havoc wherever her ginger haired self happens to be (see above). But being as it may this will probably include all-of-the-following:

a) attempts at being guilt-tripped into church
b) being told that I am going to hell and/or
c) never going to find a suitable mate outside of a church function

It is just a little bit too much to bear. Maybe I will just skip out on it all together.

At least I am not living in my own personal sauna today. I hate summer.

Philiosopher Phriday: Lazy, Irate Edition

Dear PHILOSOPHER:

NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME AND MY BLOG. WAAAAH!

-WHINY BLOGGER

Dear WB,

Dear Whiney Blogger,

I suppose your Nirvana has already peaked and descended, running along the approximate trajectory as the WB network, which closed on Sunday, September 17, 2006 with The Night of Favorites and Farewells, a block of their "signature" shows. It is pretty much down hill from here, so you might as well accept it. No one gives a crap about your "Philosopher Phriday" nonsense. Do yourself a favor, and go back to a small overpriced liberal arts college and get a degree in Philosophy. Now THAT would do a WORLD of good. Or Mer de Claire, you can just roll with your under-utilized fashion design and puppetry degrees and never fully realize yourself at all while engaging in self-destructive behavior and chasing boys that ultimately make you miserable anyhow. WOW...where did that rant come from? I mean, enlightenment, noble truths, eightfold path, blah blah blah...

-Ms. Disaster

p.s. i smell like a hippie, which must mean i am like, in touch with the universe.

send your whiney beetching to merdeclair@gmail.com

whizgiggle

i need a vacations.

the cafe where i was somehow insulted in another language

This is a picture of me holding a lovely plate of fancy sandwiches in a café in Vienna, Austria. Craig made it fancy. I love him.

***email transmission of the day***

Adam sends Mer the an AP article-

Subject: The Daily Athenaeum - W.Va. billboard declares devils
hatred for church; townspeople dislike sign

CEDAR GROVE, W.Va. (AP) -The devil made them do it.
Read more

Mer sends to Claire, and so it goes…

C: "Jesus was unconventional," he said. "For churches to be growing they need to be cutting-edge, they have to be unconventional as well. Obviously you are going to ruffle some feathers doing something so bold. We want people to understand church doesn't have to be boring."

That is cool. but they're not pulling it off very well.

M: I think it's ridiculous.

C: The "hate" thing is stupid....makes me think of God hates f@gs

M: Of course it's stupid. The dev1l hates the church because he <3s f@gs. j/k!

C: I love church, the dev1l AND f@gs!

M: I like goliath as a cyclops, winged, chicken butt giant.

C: transmish: Mos Def = David.

M: I feel so beetchy today. Want to scre@m at someone. People annoy me

C: Me too, we gotta watch Faster, P*ssycat. K*ll! K*ll! It's so full of hot girl rage.

M: GOD, it still won't let me upload picture (regarding previous blog). I need dragon costume. Added new tag "I f#$king hate everything"

C: "I need dragon costume" ?

M: 'cause I am breathing fire today. Potentially making strange dinosaur-like noises. Passer Byers take note.

C: I'm s@d1stic like my name was $@de. I delight in making people feel stupid. It's because I hate myself.

M: I don't want to make ppl feel stupid
I just want to bl_lrn them to a crisp with my
l@ser be@m eyes and/or fire breath.
I shudder with h@te.

C: Are you 100% dragon, or mostly sea monster?

M: The dragon emerges from the sea occasionally
(say once every 40-45 days)
to breathe fire on the unwitting masses
Much like the merrow emerges from the sea
to entice Irishmen who live in costal cottages
though, that aspect hasn't of yet worked out in my favor

C: That's poetry, thar. I wanna be a selkie...is that like a merrow?
My dragon comes out every 29 days.
Her name is Flo and she's a mean Chinese auntie.

M: 3 things:
1) Phycodurus eques
2) Dragon in the Sea
3) or simply "Teggie" the Welsh version of "nessie" (my name being Welsh and all)

C:
1. "It is illegal to catch and keep sea dragons, as they are a protected species." You should get a tattoo of one! Fighting a swan!

2. that book is g@y. J/K!

3. I am Welsh too! Don’t I resemble this famous Welsh person? Har har har

(see picture at top)

M:
1. that should be a 2 fur tuesday
2. you are!
3. you resemble everyone. everyone except me. so there. i hate everything.

Two fur Tuesday Showdown: Raccoon vs. Baby Chicken

So i asked my next-door neighbour about his baby chickens. He responded that a few survived, and that the others were ruthlessly snatched by some nefarious raccoons. ah man, i like raccoons too...with the exception of the scary rabid raccoon that lingered just a little to long on my front porch being all scary and rabid last year. anyways, here is the inaugural Two for Tuesday Showdown

Mustache Monday Vol. 13 part 2

OHHHH The Edge. As most people know, Mer is the biggest U2 fan EVER. I just think they're ok. Well, better than ok, they're great but I'm not rabid. I'll tell ya what, though. That The Edge guy sure does have a comely mustache.

Observe:

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. VIII

Dear Philosopher,

I just have to have the latest movies on DVD before they hit the stores. There’s a Mexican lady who sells these dvds in the subway at 8th avenue. She brings her kids along to help her, and sometimes they have churros. I like churros. Where else can I get a $5 copy of the Simpsons movie AND a sweet rolled dough cinnamonny comestible delight? I guess my point is… is this morally indecent? Am I contributing to an underworld crime ring? If I alert the authorities to Marielena’s doings, am I sending her and her children to the flophouse? Does she rely on my purchase of that new Markie Mark j0int to send money home to Chihuahua? Please advise.

--Guilty Whitey
Dear GW,

I am at the end of my rope. I am nauseated by life; it is insipid, without salt and meaning. If I were hungrier than Pierrot I would not choose to eat the explanation people offer. One sticks a finger into the ground to smell what country one is in; I stick my finger into the world, it has no smell. Where am I? What does it mean to say: the world? What is the meaning of that word? Who tricked me into this whole thing and leaves me standing here? Who am I? How did I get into the world? Why was I not asked about it, why was I not informed of the rules and regulations but just thrust into the ranks as if I had been bought by a peddling shanghaier of human beings? How did I get involved in this big enterprise called actuality? Why should I be involved? Isn’t it a matter of choice? And if I am compelled to be involved, where is the manager? I have something to say about this. Is there no manager? To whom shall I make my complaint?

i'm feeling prolific. and stuff.

nuh uh.

there is a song that goes with this. we will record it for you and figure out how to upload for the maximum newborn baby panda experience. thank you!

--Management

unnnnghhhh

Mustache Monday: Vol. 13

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. VII

Dear Philosopher,

I really want to live and work in our nations capital. However, is only applying to jobs there defining my own destiny without allowing the universe to offer guidance? Should I be more open to options and look elsewhere as well?

Seeking A Path

Dear SAP,

There are only two ways to conquer destiny or be independent of it. One is to enquire for whom is this destiny and discover that only the ego is bound by destiny and not the Self and that the ego is non-existent. The other way is to kill the ego by completely surrendering to the Lord, by realizing one's helplessness and saying all the time, 'Not I, but Thou, oh Lord' and giving up all sense of 'I' and ‘mine’, and leaving it to the Lord to do what he likes with you. Complete effacement of the ego is necessary to conquer destiny, whether you achieve this effacement through Self-enquiry or bhakti marga (path).

Reflection on Synge and Life

i fell in love with the work's of John Millington Synge by accident
at university, i used to sit in the Wise library
pouring over Yeats and Wilde for hours
their gilded bindings, finely textured paper,
and ancient publish dates entranced me
it was if my allergies were immune to their musty smells
i miss it there

it was on such a day that my eye stumble a glance upon
a bright yellow binding as i turned away from Oscar's section
it read "the Aran Islands"
a place whose people & traditions i hold close to my soul

Synge's illustrative language resonated warmly in my mind
and even now, my mind hazily drifts into thoughts of his life

after he died Jack B. Yeats said of him...
"Synge was by nature well equipped for the roads. Though his health was often bad, he had beating under his ribs a brave heart that carried him over rough tracks...Now that he is gone there is nothing sad in my memory of him, except that he is gone."

one time i asked my mother why
i was given a body & spirit that didn't match
she responded without the blink of an eye
that perhaps without my spirit
i might not be able to move

nights when i lay unable to sleep
through excruciating joint pain
this simple reminder
draws a tear down my cheek

gives me a brave heart
to persevere over rough tracks

and hope that someone would think
so fondly of me when i pass

***email transmission of the day***

Mer sends…

Subject: the alchie
is making me burn up
it is burning through my pores

C: Uh oh…

M: i know. i am going to be consumed in flames right directly.
what is the super hero that does that?

C: The flame? Yo no se.

M: Ahh hah! Brilliant!

The Human Torch (Johnny Storm) is a fictional character, a Marvel Comics superhero who is a member of the Fantastic Four. First appearing in Fantastic Four #1 November 1961, he was created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby, although he was based on the Golden Age character of the same name, created by Carl Burgos.
Like the rest of the Fantastic Four, the Human Torch gained his powers on a spacecraft bombarded by cosmic rays. He can fly, control fire and safely surround himself in flames. "Flame on!", which the Torch customarily shouts when activating his full-body flame effect, has become his catchphrase.
The youngest of the group, he is brash and thrill-seeking when compared to the more cautious Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman, his brother-in-law and sister, and the grumbling Thing.

C: Flame on, Mer. Flame on.

gained his powers on a spacecraft bombarded by cosmic rays. (err BOOZE)

M: exactly. we could also work that into that Hemingway quote i sent you earlier.

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” - Ernest Hemingway

so if you're wasted and say you're like invincible or can burst into flames like you HAVE to be when you're sober.

C: Teh?!?!?

things I email Mer @ work.

Mustache Monday: Vol. 11

Welcome to merlikethesea's first m.m. contribution.

Irish Author Edition

Sorry Oscar Wilde, you were clean shaven, but still aces in my heart!

" When I die Dublin will be written in my heart."

i feel ya James...Dublin rules. it is so much fun in fact that for a while my HLM and i referred to having a keeck arse time as "Dublin".

WB Yeats

teh man who forever owns my soul, and author of my favorite poem...

When You Are Old

When you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes once had, and of their shadows deep

How many love your moments of glad grace
And loved your beauty with love false or true
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
And loved the sorrows of your changing face

And bending down beside the glowing bars
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars

Last, but never least.

John Millington Synge.

Brilliant playright, ethnographer, and back up plan if William Butler rejects me in teh afterlife...for he stole my heart.

"If one could only teach the English how to talk,

and the Irish how to listen,

society would be quite civilized."

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. VI

Dear Philosopher:

As of late, a couple of my close friends got engaged. Sounds awesome, right? Hell no. Surprisingly, their wedding bliss pisses me off in ten different ways. Why is this happening? Why do I feel like skipping the ceremony and just getting tanked instead?

single by choice in west by god virginia

Dear sbc,

He (Freud) remarks that this sentiment is the outgrowth of envy and jealousy. As some members of the social group jealously strive to protect their advantages, the less favored are moved by envy to take them away. Eventually everyone recognizes that they cannot maintain their hostile attitudes toward one another without injury to themselves. Thus as a compromise they settle upon the demand of equal treatment. The sense of justice is a reaction-formation: what was originally jealousy and envy is transformed into a social feeling, the sense of justice that insists upon equality for all.

teh 100th posting!

Claire is famous on teh internets!!!!!

http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/missedconnections/

What's a good technique for approaching an attractive stranger on the street?

Ask them where they got that sweatshirt/book/tattoo, and if the store where they got it is near their neighborhood, and then what their favorite spot is over there. Then post a Missed Connection.

I'm shy. How can I seem more gregarious and less withdrawn when speaking with someone I have a crush on?

I live by at least two or three cliché mottos involving regret: It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do; do something everyday that scares you; it is better to have loved and lost . . . you get the picture. You really have nothing to lose. Realize that your crush is a normal person. It's like meeting celebrities — just be natural and don't freak out.

Can I give a fake phone number to someone if they ask me for mine but I don't want them to have it?

Absolutely. I once read that Marilyn Monroe would give people the number to the L.A. County morgue. I don't know if it's true, but I would do that in a heartbeat.

I just moved to a new city. How can I find a date without anyone to go out to the bars with?

Never underestimate going to the bar alone. Try the bathroom line for same-sex future wingmen. And "I just moved here" is gold — people are always happy to show off their city.

My boyfriend wants to have sex every night, but I'm more of a once-a-week girl. Can we reconcile this, or are we doomed?

You have to meet in the middle, or he might start looking elsewhere for his kicks. Film yourself jilling off for him to watch when you're not in the mood. I bet you won't be able to ignore him for long.

What phrase should one never include in an online ad?

"Long walks on the beach" as a form of irony is about as annoying as that guy at the Lightning Bolt show screaming, "FREE BIRD!"

LIARS PUT POISON IN MY VEINS

SOOO kids, apparently there is another mer in the world who texts “teh teh teh teh teh teh”…or at that’s what some compulsive liar essentially told me yesterday. You don’t get me confused with other people. It just doesn’t happen. People mistake other people for me, not the other way around. To preface this mini rant, let me just say that liars are the scourge of the earth. They should be tickle tortured until they wet themselves, then tied to a pole for everyone to point and laugh at. Kind of like what they did to Bart in the Simpsons movie.

White lies are ok, like telling small children you don’t have any gum, when you like, have a whole pack in your back pocket. When Craig was growing up, his mom would only let him have ½ a stick of gum. So now he tears his gum in half because as he says, “I was trained by a crazy woman.” See, even a crazy woman knows the difference between white lies and real ones. Certain people need to take note.

happy august

Craig and I are both wearing red and black today.