OH NOOOOEZ!

Due to an unfortunate disaster involving Ms. Disaster, this week's Philosopher Phriday is once again postponed. After an epic and violent fall from a flight of stairs in the style of Scarlett O'Hara, Ms. Disaster's proboscis is experiencing a bit of a displacement. The patient is in jovial spirits and reports that said body part resembles "parentheses."

An open letter to my period

Dear Period,

Where are you? I’ve been cranky for days now and am in a significant amount of pain. My stomach is puffy and I would really like to punch someone in the face. Doubling over and clutching my abdomen causes a dragon-like roar to emanate from my vocal cords. All of my clothes look terrible and yesterday I was forced to indulge in a serious case of retail therapy.

Look, I know I’m not knocked up because I haven’t been laid in a while, so what’s your problem? Don’t even think about starting tonight. I have a date with the 9:30 club and am expected to rock out to the sweet warbling of Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley. I fully intend to squelch your side-effects with ibuprofen, acetaminophen and pamabrom...so don’t even f*ck with me- you oppressive monthly plague.

Sincerely yours,

Ms. Disaster

is it lent yet?

holy crap this is funny

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_should_americans

Mustache Monday Vol. 17

a mustache makes a WORLD of difference. OBVS! look how much better these guys look with them! also, I will soon be launching the Mustache Monday street team!! that's right, randomly photographing and interviewing dudes around the way in Williamsburg and other NY locations...for the um, greater good of mustache aficionados everywhere.

This was supposed to be posted on Friday

tCNTM: reality tv for the old south

two for tuesday: work v. being homeless

certainly being impovrished is terrible and undesirable
but do these folks ever get yelled at
by people full of their own virtue?

there is a very fine thread that seperates the two
currently my thread is made of weak natural fibers
devoid of any thermo-plastic bits that might make it stronger

i'm seriously going to either check-out of this
whole "real world" b.s. and like
teach english in slovakia or china
OR
i am going to totally kick ass
& be in a more respected position.

but really, i just want to have fun...
reference this well-know Cindy Lauper song,

does any one else notice this theme developing
of 80s rocker chicks this week?
i say we go with it cb

Mustache Monday Vol. (SWEET) 16

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Natch, I'm not hatin' on Brit Brit, I loaf her. Nor am I commenting on her weight, she looks good, and anyway that's kindof what I look like in my skivvs, don't you wanna hit this shit...come to mama.... xo --Edit.

a day off for sex?

http://www.slate.com/id/2173643/

so the Russians get a day off for sex. um, yes please.

holden caulfield probably wouldn't have
said "gd" all of the time
if he was getting l@id regularly
because getting laid makes you a better person

glogging

me

"i would rather go to a party and get wasted than have children."

i like BOOM and you like BOOM

http://merdeclair.blogspot.com/2007/06/and-well-make-songs-too.html

***email transmission of the day***

M: flight of the conchords is on our blawg. totally.

C: DUDE I am blawgging about how they are the perfect boyfriends for us

M: do i get the long haired one?
you know how i love dudes from New Zealand (*wink wink*nod nod*)
huh huh. i so need to go on another backpack holiday.

C: DUH of course I get Jermaine (with the glasses and funny looking)

M: ok. i only hook up with dudes from NZ with long hair and no glasses.
bonus points if they also shear sheep.

C: “SHEAR”

M: yeah, shearing is cool.
dudes who shear sheep have muscles in their arms i've never seen before.
OH MY GOD.

C: Ummmmmm email exchange of the day?

M: that's what i was thinking. only it made my mind go in the gutter a little bit.
kind of like how dairy queen makes me throw up in my mouth a little
but i eat it anyways, you know, for old times sake.

C: I just ate this:

Minus the Wii
It made me hurl a little.

M: it looks hurl-a-licious. i want to get l@*d.

insert inappropriate dialogue for work email involving being inappropriate with NZ b0yz

p.s. i totally kind of suck at rapping.

C: My d1ck is like Super Size

Your d1ck look like two fries

M: my d1ck VIP

your d1ck need ID

remember the Antietam rap? dude, that totally tanked.
maybe if they had tanks back then it wouldn't have sucked so bad
it's not as cool to rap about like bayonets and Stonewall Jackson
(secretly I think it is, see my last email)

C: Man I can’t remember ANYTHING.

M: yeah, well i just had a conversation with a work colleague about
sn0rt*ng the ammonium nitrate stuff (??) that is in urinal cakes.
also, i got white out on my face, and it won't come off.
i wasn't trying to sn0rt it.

C: You are!

Mustache Monday Vol. 15

my pen is enormous!

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XI

Dear Philosopher,
I think I am in love with Lapo Elkann, the stylish but brilliantly troubled heir to the Fiat empire. How do non-rich/model/celebrity but cute and awesome grrls like me get their hands on such a man? Are we relegated to normalcy forever?
Lover of Lapo

Dear LOL,
The wish to acquire is in truth very natural and common, and men always do so when they can, and for this they will be praised not blamed; but when they cannot do so, yet wish to do so by any means,then there is folly and blame.

...just as those who draw landscapes place themselves below in the plain to contemplate the nature of the mountains and of lofty places, and in order to contemplate the plains place themselves upon high mountains, even so to understand the nature of the people it needs to be a prince, and to understand that if princes it needs to be of the people.

making up for lost blogging: THURSDAY

This is a "rap" me and me mate Charlie wrote while watching both the US Open and the Red Sox/Orioles game. The Red Sox won, and it was good clean fun. Below are the disjointed verses (click to make beeg!)

making up for lost blogging: TUESDAY

increasing exhaustion felt by existence
the majority of each day in this world
consumed amoung unspoken judgments
of obvious inability to be the expected

where sparkle is hailed
but the glean of their praise
is liken to the waxen surface of an apple
wrought with pesticides like a back-handed compliment

lungs collapse under heavy breath
bore down upon by suffocating air
“home” feels like a chamber
where ones head pounds numbly at these thoughts

grappling for comfort amoungst cotton sheets
& other textiles smooth to the hand
anything to provide a barrier between body
& loneliness, fear and self-provoked isolation

one doesn’t long for this seemingly
quite to the contrary
few & far between are the souls
deemed worthy of energetic love

which to bottle up empties
a part of the force
as if there were crevices
from which it to spill

unfailing memories of those lost
pose to haunt at the first sign of weakness
despite endless internalizing
externalizing, exercising of exorcises

maybe this is what one must traverse
for to be full up
containing of a resonating, warming
insular sense of soundness

reconciling sense of self to the makeup of externality
grasping for the embrace I’ve always felt
beauty exuded
would meet up with in truth

xo, merlikethesea

3,000-year-old beehives unearthed!