Monday Without Metadate

a fire's remains

damp ashen and grey
all smouldering subsides

unable to sustain
burning in one place
consuming paths

in it's own to perpetuate

take shelter from the flames

before you lose your way

in muddled half life's measure

201st POST biatches. Fill yer boots.

M: Could life be more boring than sitting in a cubicle all day with no engagement whatsoever?

Like this heavy glaze has been put on your synapses

Nothing is firing through the paper mache masking your mind

Surriously. I am soooo bored.

C: my knee hurts. i am not bored but busy!
here, if you are bored look at these: (removed by poster)

you can search by tags, it's stuff i've bookmarked to read later.

M: Go to : http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2008/12/fugrit.html

C: I kinda hate ScarJ's tatt. O i got the 14th off. PARTY ON.

M: Party On Wayne!
We should dress up like wayne and garth on the 14th...maybe bevis and butthead, but our hairs are too long now. Laterz.

M: I am in such a crass mood. Being a woman is a terrible thing sometimes. I want to sew my mouth shut and sleep for three days.

C: (i just j.i.m.p.)

M: Niiice ice baby.

C: do you have teh crampz?is it the women's times?

M: Yes. My inner dragon is breathing fire too. Plus I'm real h0rn3y. like I want to have $3x and then bite someones head off.

C: http://blogs.herald.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/30/praying_mantis.jpg

M: That’s me. or maybe her… (Ukraine's Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko)

BEWARE: rat squirrelz in our nation's capital

so, on my coffee break today, a colleague and I were discussing

the possibility that the rats and squirrels in dc had cross-bred

and were producing these hidious rat-like squirrels.

the first time i spotted this bottle brush, slinking creature i was literally horrified. i mean, these creepazoids don't even hop, they CRAWL

Bob suggested we call it a "squat", which is quite appropriate,

however when you mix their Spanish names you get "ratardilla"

which aptly describes this entire thought process...

then i found out this $h*t is real

and suspect some Laotian Rock Rat smuggling operation,

which honestly, would make me feel much better about it somehow.

Internet Famoose Again...

Yesterday Craig and I met Dan, of www.jokesacrossamerica.net. Dude just spent a year bicycling across the US and collecting jokes! I gave him one of the ol' Dub Vee yucks... enjoy....

http://www.jokesacrossamerica.net/jokes/?p=336

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQCwqIYqqRQ&eurl=http://www.jokesacrossamerica.net/jokes/?p=336

Mustache Monday Vol. 29

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfURXKUwbFA

Two thousand and GREAT!

lazy superficial asses

We haven’t blogged at ALL…….

How about a tribute to Benazir Bhutto? She was SOOOO pretty and fabulous…it’s sad when beautiful politicians die…she’s like Kennedy or Princess Di…

Plus I loaf the name Benazir.

whoa! i didn't know she died. (this was at like 9 a.m. -Edit) AHHHH that is so f'd up!!!

It makes my heart break a little more with the death of glamour. JFK jr, Caroline Bessette, Princess Di.

Beautiful people aren't supposed to die...

Yeah, she was ASSASINATED. That’s so gangsta, right?

She was so freaking beautiful. Looked like Etheline Tenenbaum.

that IS gangsta. kind of a neat way to go i suppose.

on a side note. i have mad g@s.

THREE HOURS PASS
(on the telephone)

C: What are we going to blawg about?
M: Let's blawg about Daniel Day-Lewis and Benizar (sic) Bhutto.
C: I am too lazy to do that, I am going to put up this picture of a really fat cat
M: Are you even going to "paint" on it?
C: Yeah.

birfday thirfday

Happy Birthday, Steve. I love ya!

Mustache Monday (Tuesday Edition Vol. 3) Vol. 27

(Missing Mer) Mustache Monday Vol. 25

MER IS OFF BEING A BOHEMIAN IN PRAHA.

I'M IN TEH OFFICE BEING BORED AND LOOKING FOR NEW JOBS.

*email transmission of yesterday*

Ridiculously long email string that is actually heavily edited.
Hours of productivity lost.

C is Claire, H is Craig, M is Mer and J is Josh
(previously celebrated in MM Vol. 10)

(starting in mid-string)

J: Oh god, and now it’s just ___ and me back here and she’s talking about death…
Joshua
Your Ass’ Coordinator

C: Death rules!!!
El Dia De Los Muertos

J: Except when you’re discussing it with someone who’s, um, how do I put this gently? Old.
Joshua
Your Mom’s Coordinator

M: it's like making holocaust jokes with a j3w and a german.

J: I notice that you spelled jew as j3w… you know it’s not a bad word, right?
Joshua
Needs to Find a New Job as Some Other Sort of Coordinator Coordinator

J: Yeah… You hate jews. Excuse me, j3ws.

C: I mean I was disappointed to find out you WEREN’T a-choo!

J: Don’t get me wrong, I have no fear of death… I just don’t want to discuss it with someone who is significantly closer to it than I… there’s too much smiling and nodding to be done.
Joshua
Fanaticism Coordinator

H: you have no fear of death? I'm jealous. I'm terrified.

C: Me too…..jealous and terrified. I gotta get right with Jesus. Which means I have to give up the Juice….. I mean J3Ws

J: That’s why it’s so much better just not to believe in Jesus!
Joshua
The Son of God’s Coordinator

M: *clearing throat* Attention please, a child has been lost in the tunnel of goats.

J: YOU’RE A GOAT… IN A TUNNEL… or something.
Joshua
Livestock Coordinator

C: I just LOL’d re:Livestock Coordinator.

J: Was it a laugh out loud or a BAH out loud, goat?
Joshua
Mental Anguish Coordinator

M: the tunnel is a metaphor for jesus.

C: Oh, I thought the goats were for S’tan….

C: I just have a lasting anxiety in my soul, having been the victim of countless disasters in past lives, including but not limited to:
1. Pompeii
2. the Holocaust
3. the Vietnam War
This betch has died in a LOT of tragedies….i gotta get right with Laksmi the 8 armed goddess baby.

J: So which is it… jesus or laksmi? Or are they the same to you?
Joshua
Questioning Coordinator

M: don't you know there is only one true way to heaven? jesus said "i am the way, the truth, the light. no man enters into heaven, but by me."

J: Go read your bible, jesus freak.
Jesus… Satan… Same thing.
Joshua
Devil’s Adovcate Coordinator

J: So the fax machine just started dialing by itself, without anyone near it or feeding a fax into it… I think satan has heard our conversation…
Joshua
Sh!t-My-Pants Coordinator

C: Dang, has it been 7 years ALREADY?

M: the people in my office are probably wondering why i am laughing so loud. and then quietly snickering to myself in manner of pee wee herman.

J: So something’s definitely going… there was quite a bit of level 2 whispering when the team came back from the meeting a bit ago…
Joshua
Probably Not Going To Be Working Here Much Longer Coordinator

C: Something or someone?

J: Oh, um, “going on” not “going”… Damn you, Claire, beat me… Kinsey.

H: yeah claire...beat him. beat him real nice.

M: uhhh...i don't get it

J: Go back to church, Mary Magdalene!
Joshua
The Trip to Hell Coordinator

M: best one yet sh!the@d mcf1_1ckf@ce

J: When are you coming to NYC? We are so gonna fight. And, no, I won’t go easy on you just cause you look like a girl.
Joshua
B!tchslap Coordinator

C: Josh, she can totally kick your @$$.

M: totally kick your @$$. i have two older brothers AND i'm from bum f1_1ck. you don't stand a chance nancy boy.

J: Pleeeeease… I grew up in the projects… and I know Gun Fu.
Joshua
Your Funeral Coordinator

M:
J: Umm… does that mean that you’re tough?
Cause to me it means you got punched in the face.
Some of us are skilled enough to dodge punches…
Joshua
Smooth Coordinator

M: i got into a fight with some concrete stairs and got a better nose out of it.
what did you ever get out of dodging punches?

J: Respect.
Joshua
Accounting Coordinator

C: Oh, you’re back to normal now?

J: Yeah, I love accounting.
I’m going out for a cig before I start denying people their unemployment… anyone want to join?
Joshua
Poverty Coordinator

two for tuesday: who would you rather?

Mustache Monday Vol. 20

the other day I was talking to Chuck about how I could really use a cup of coffee and so he said, “sure, I love coffee, that sounds like a great idea”, and we walked to Starbucks. When we got there I ordered a tall caramel macchiato because that is what Meg Ryan’s character orders in “You’ve Got Mail” and Chuck ordered a roundhouse kick to my face for being such a pansy. In addition, he served up roundhouse kicks to the staff just to solidify his point. Immediately following, he took a brisk walk down the sidewalk enjoying a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, commenting that it really does “warm you with every sip.”

xo, merlikethesea

Mustache Monday Vol. 17

a mustache makes a WORLD of difference. OBVS! look how much better these guys look with them! also, I will soon be launching the Mustache Monday street team!! that's right, randomly photographing and interviewing dudes around the way in Williamsburg and other NY locations...for the um, greater good of mustache aficionados everywhere.

two for tuesday: work v. being homeless

certainly being impovrished is terrible and undesirable
but do these folks ever get yelled at
by people full of their own virtue?

there is a very fine thread that seperates the two
currently my thread is made of weak natural fibers
devoid of any thermo-plastic bits that might make it stronger

i'm seriously going to either check-out of this
whole "real world" b.s. and like
teach english in slovakia or china
OR
i am going to totally kick ass
& be in a more respected position.

but really, i just want to have fun...
reference this well-know Cindy Lauper song,

does any one else notice this theme developing
of 80s rocker chicks this week?
i say we go with it cb

Mustache Monday Vol. (SWEET) 16

glogging

i like BOOM and you like BOOM

http://merdeclair.blogspot.com/2007/06/and-well-make-songs-too.html

***email transmission of the day***

M: flight of the conchords is on our blawg. totally.

C: DUDE I am blawgging about how they are the perfect boyfriends for us

M: do i get the long haired one?
you know how i love dudes from New Zealand (*wink wink*nod nod*)
huh huh. i so need to go on another backpack holiday.

C: DUH of course I get Jermaine (with the glasses and funny looking)

M: ok. i only hook up with dudes from NZ with long hair and no glasses.
bonus points if they also shear sheep.

C: “SHEAR”

M: yeah, shearing is cool.
dudes who shear sheep have muscles in their arms i've never seen before.
OH MY GOD.

C: Ummmmmm email exchange of the day?

M: that's what i was thinking. only it made my mind go in the gutter a little bit.
kind of like how dairy queen makes me throw up in my mouth a little
but i eat it anyways, you know, for old times sake.

C: I just ate this:

Minus the Wii
It made me hurl a little.

M: it looks hurl-a-licious. i want to get l@*d.

insert inappropriate dialogue for work email involving being inappropriate with NZ b0yz

p.s. i totally kind of suck at rapping.

C: My d1ck is like Super Size

Your d1ck look like two fries

M: my d1ck VIP

your d1ck need ID

remember the Antietam rap? dude, that totally tanked.
maybe if they had tanks back then it wouldn't have sucked so bad
it's not as cool to rap about like bayonets and Stonewall Jackson
(secretly I think it is, see my last email)

C: Man I can’t remember ANYTHING.

M: yeah, well i just had a conversation with a work colleague about
sn0rt*ng the ammonium nitrate stuff (??) that is in urinal cakes.
also, i got white out on my face, and it won't come off.
i wasn't trying to sn0rt it.

C: You are!

Mustache Monday Vol. 15