lazy superficial asses

We haven’t blogged at ALL…….

How about a tribute to Benazir Bhutto? She was SOOOO pretty and fabulous…it’s sad when beautiful politicians die…she’s like Kennedy or Princess Di…

Plus I loaf the name Benazir.

whoa! i didn't know she died. (this was at like 9 a.m. -Edit) AHHHH that is so f'd up!!!

It makes my heart break a little more with the death of glamour. JFK jr, Caroline Bessette, Princess Di.

Beautiful people aren't supposed to die...

Yeah, she was ASSASINATED. That’s so gangsta, right?

She was so freaking beautiful. Looked like Etheline Tenenbaum.

that IS gangsta. kind of a neat way to go i suppose.

on a side note. i have mad g@s.

THREE HOURS PASS
(on the telephone)

C: What are we going to blawg about?
M: Let's blawg about Daniel Day-Lewis and Benizar (sic) Bhutto.
C: I am too lazy to do that, I am going to put up this picture of a really fat cat
M: Are you even going to "paint" on it?
C: Yeah.

Mustache...Friday?

No, I'm not on vacay. Just a slacker.


:{ <--- mustache smiley?

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XIV

Dear Philosopher,

So I haven’t read the Mitchell Report, the most definitive document to date regarding the use of steroids and human growth hormone among professional baseball players. However, I cannot help but be dismayed by the players that tamper with the purity of such a graceful sport. Crap, even the minute amount of players with Boston Red Sox affiliation is discounted due to Mitchell’s association with the club.

Is this a large-scale blow to our beloved national pastime, a McCarthyesque witch hunt, or merely another baseball-related list to prolong the men of America from “blowing their load”?

Disillusioned Ethical Avid Fan

Dear DEAF,

Winning is only possible is you are able to risk losing, just as wisdom is only possible if you are able to admit ignorance.*

*From: “Baseball and Philosophy: Thinking Outside the Batter's Box” by Eric Bronson

birfday thirfday

Happy Birthday, Steve. I love ya!

Mustache Monday Vol. 28

So, I was watching the TV at Alison's sweet new apartment this weekend...and I caught an episode of I Love Lucy. Episode 12 of Season 2, specifically, entitled "Lucy's Show-Biz Swan Song." This 1952 episode features a newly "expectant" Lucy trying to get in on Fred, Ethel, and Ricky's barbershop quartet number, with the usual uproarious results. The mustaches that the foursome sport are the really nice, black Olde Timey turn-of-the century type. As I couldn't find a photo anywhere, I've recreated the scene to the middle-range of my ability.

AWESOME NEWS IN MUSTACHE LAND!!! NEW SITE LAUNCHING!!

(as soon as I get my shit together)

http://www.justanothermustachemonday.com/(or, JAMM for short)

Until then, please continue to visit us here at Mer de Clair(e) for your weekly 'stache fix!

Mustache Monday (Tuesday Edition Vol. 3) Vol. 27

Mustache Monday Vol. 26

Ceská Republika Edition

Noooo, don't shave it...

Also has a pretty mouth.

(Missing Mer) Mustache Monday Vol. 25

MER IS OFF BEING A BOHEMIAN IN PRAHA.

I'M IN TEH OFFICE BEING BORED AND LOOKING FOR NEW JOBS.

Mustache Monday Tuesday Edition Vol.2/Vol.24

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XIII

Dear Philosopher:

I am in dire need of a change. I feel like my insides are going to burst through my body as if possessed by an alien life form. It could be the Yerba Mate or an overstimulated sex drive, but I don't think so. Unless something happens soon, I'm afraid that in the immortal words of Tupac Shakur, "It's check-out time" (figuratively speaking) and I haven't even seen "Into the Wild" yet!?! Is it more advisable to be morally or financially bankrupt?

Sojourner's Angst

peecture of adam smith is supposed to be here

Dear Sojourner:

Where a man would chuse rather to travel, than to live; Shall find more things to observe than desire, And more persons to esteem than to love. But the same Qualities and Dispositions do not value a private man and a State, nor make a Conversation agreeable, and a Government great...

Adam Smith

*email transmission of yesterday*

Ridiculously long email string that is actually heavily edited.
Hours of productivity lost.

C is Claire, H is Craig, M is Mer and J is Josh
(previously celebrated in MM Vol. 10)

(starting in mid-string)

J: Oh god, and now it’s just ___ and me back here and she’s talking about death…
Joshua
Your Ass’ Coordinator

C: Death rules!!!
El Dia De Los Muertos

J: Except when you’re discussing it with someone who’s, um, how do I put this gently? Old.
Joshua
Your Mom’s Coordinator

M: it's like making holocaust jokes with a j3w and a german.

J: I notice that you spelled jew as j3w… you know it’s not a bad word, right?
Joshua
Needs to Find a New Job as Some Other Sort of Coordinator Coordinator

J: Yeah… You hate jews. Excuse me, j3ws.

C: I mean I was disappointed to find out you WEREN’T a-choo!

J: Don’t get me wrong, I have no fear of death… I just don’t want to discuss it with someone who is significantly closer to it than I… there’s too much smiling and nodding to be done.
Joshua
Fanaticism Coordinator

H: you have no fear of death? I'm jealous. I'm terrified.

C: Me too…..jealous and terrified. I gotta get right with Jesus. Which means I have to give up the Juice….. I mean J3Ws

J: That’s why it’s so much better just not to believe in Jesus!
Joshua
The Son of God’s Coordinator

M: *clearing throat* Attention please, a child has been lost in the tunnel of goats.

J: YOU’RE A GOAT… IN A TUNNEL… or something.
Joshua
Livestock Coordinator

C: I just LOL’d re:Livestock Coordinator.

J: Was it a laugh out loud or a BAH out loud, goat?
Joshua
Mental Anguish Coordinator

M: the tunnel is a metaphor for jesus.

C: Oh, I thought the goats were for S’tan….

C: I just have a lasting anxiety in my soul, having been the victim of countless disasters in past lives, including but not limited to:
1. Pompeii
2. the Holocaust
3. the Vietnam War
This betch has died in a LOT of tragedies….i gotta get right with Laksmi the 8 armed goddess baby.

J: So which is it… jesus or laksmi? Or are they the same to you?
Joshua
Questioning Coordinator

M: don't you know there is only one true way to heaven? jesus said "i am the way, the truth, the light. no man enters into heaven, but by me."

J: Go read your bible, jesus freak.
Jesus… Satan… Same thing.
Joshua
Devil’s Adovcate Coordinator

J: So the fax machine just started dialing by itself, without anyone near it or feeding a fax into it… I think satan has heard our conversation…
Joshua
Sh!t-My-Pants Coordinator

C: Dang, has it been 7 years ALREADY?

M: the people in my office are probably wondering why i am laughing so loud. and then quietly snickering to myself in manner of pee wee herman.

J: So something’s definitely going… there was quite a bit of level 2 whispering when the team came back from the meeting a bit ago…
Joshua
Probably Not Going To Be Working Here Much Longer Coordinator

C: Something or someone?

J: Oh, um, “going on” not “going”… Damn you, Claire, beat me… Kinsey.

H: yeah claire...beat him. beat him real nice.

M: uhhh...i don't get it

J: Go back to church, Mary Magdalene!
Joshua
The Trip to Hell Coordinator

M: best one yet sh!the@d mcf1_1ckf@ce

J: When are you coming to NYC? We are so gonna fight. And, no, I won’t go easy on you just cause you look like a girl.
Joshua
B!tchslap Coordinator

C: Josh, she can totally kick your @$$.

M: totally kick your @$$. i have two older brothers AND i'm from bum f1_1ck. you don't stand a chance nancy boy.

J: Pleeeeease… I grew up in the projects… and I know Gun Fu.
Joshua
Your Funeral Coordinator

M:
J: Umm… does that mean that you’re tough?
Cause to me it means you got punched in the face.
Some of us are skilled enough to dodge punches…
Joshua
Smooth Coordinator

M: i got into a fight with some concrete stairs and got a better nose out of it.
what did you ever get out of dodging punches?

J: Respect.
Joshua
Accounting Coordinator

C: Oh, you’re back to normal now?

J: Yeah, I love accounting.
I’m going out for a cig before I start denying people their unemployment… anyone want to join?
Joshua
Poverty Coordinator

way to go

ALL OF THEM

unhhh...m.i.t.g.

if you watch one movie, it should be this

i demand to have some booze!!

two for tuesday: who would you rather?

Mustache Monday Vol. 23

Claire is back from vacay. She intends to illegally immigrate into Mexico.

Wacka-Oaxaca!!!!

how to win a costume contest

alright...so i was at the 9:30 club on halloween where there was a costume contest. i have a few pointers for you competitive types, after i b*tch a little. now, i am not saying my get up was the most original thing in the world. i was a toothfairy. however, i was a "spatially challenged" toothfairy. meaning i fly into windows, run into walls, and trip over air. this was illustrated by wearing a nose split/black eye, and bubble wrap: headband, (collar) ruff, peplum tabbed skirt and bustle sewn to tulle.

now maybe this wasn't evident, or my fashion design background touches were too "highbrow". my wings were made from hangers, aluminum foil, glitter, sequins and plastic wrap. the hand carved "tooth" wand cleared up any confusion as to what kind of fairy i was. regardless of this, i was overlooked in the competition, instead robbed by a "double dare" team and two pre-pubescent teenage girls in store bought "super girl" costumes. where is the reward for ingenuity here?

luckily, the final 5 were totally decent and deserving. examples of the winners were: paper mache head maggie simpson, dangle from Reno 911, you tube guy (must see), i pod guy, etc. soooo...here are the conclusive rules for winning a costume contest...

1) your costume must be "culturally relevant"
2) you must remain "in character" / play the part
3) it must have an element of "personalization"

maybe next year i should be something more obvious.
but you know what?
f it, i'm going to be a banshee.

Happy Halloween!!

Just another day at the office.

two for tuesday: the double fist pound jazz hands

patented by francois and merlikethesea

(click to make it beeg)

Mustache Monday: Vol. 22

RED SOX EDITION

To those not in the know...the Red Sox (awesomeness) swept the Colorado Rockies in four to become the 2007 World Series Champions. There are some notable muzzys on this keeck @ss team: Jason Varitek, Kevin Youkilis...but it is Mike Lowell featured here. He really stepped it up in this series, and as a result won the Most Valuable Player. Totally an MVP mustache as well. Love you Mr. Lowell. BoSox4Life. xo, merlikethesea

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XII

Dear Philosopher,

Every autumn an overwhelming sense of melancholy fills my spirit. I start having premonitions of my demise, and lately I have been smelling mothballs EVERYWHERE. Is this just a reaction to our protracted summer season or is my quandary of imperative gravity?

Autumn Death Sense

Dear Death Sense,

God should not concern us.
Death is not to be feared.
What is good is easy to obtain.
What is bad is easily avoided.

dear claire, i'm bored

it seems as if inspiration only
exists in rain lulling to sleep
against a tin roof
coloured leaves being crushed

they say sleep delays your life
but don't you just want to take a nap
speak in whispers
and dream of far off places

love, mer

Mustache Monday, Vol. 21

Please, please do your soul a favour and go see Lars and the Real Girl. It's Oscar time for Mr. Gosling, that's for sure. It's so "feel good" without being cheesy, and perfectly poignant and subtly funny without resorting to the easy jokes about a life-sized sex doll.

And best of all......

It didn’t take much time for Gosling to settle on the right look for Lars. “Those things, like I had a beard and I was shaving it off for the film,” explained Gosling. “Then I caught a glimpse of myself with the mustache and I saw him. I thought, ‘There he is.’ So the mustache just came that easily.

From Rebecca Murray at: http://movies.about.com/od/larsandtherealgirl/a/larsgirl100807.htm

I'll come that easily!!! Thanks, Ryan!!!

Claire's Descent Into Anorexia

http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=itsbritneybetch

as detailed in the above Food Diary/Blog. Yum.

RIP Joey B....and look at my sexxy eyes...

Mustache Monday Vol. 20

the other day I was talking to Chuck about how I could really use a cup of coffee and so he said, “sure, I love coffee, that sounds like a great idea”, and we walked to Starbucks. When we got there I ordered a tall caramel macchiato because that is what Meg Ryan’s character orders in “You’ve Got Mail” and Chuck ordered a roundhouse kick to my face for being such a pansy. In addition, he served up roundhouse kicks to the staff just to solidify his point. Immediately following, he took a brisk walk down the sidewalk enjoying a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, commenting that it really does “warm you with every sip.”

xo, merlikethesea

inspired by an Irish man

This was written last night after i texted
"why am i awake @ 4 am? it makes me want to write melancholy poetry about the crisp autumn air...scuttling leaves and feeling alone"
to which was the reply, "So write! Six stanzas minium"
What resulted follows, a portion of the currents running through my mind

xo, merlikethesea
_____________________________________

When you loll awake at four am
You become aware of all the little things
First off, you know it’s four am
For the church bell just rang four times

Crickets seem to chirp softer
As if in reverence to the sleeping populace
Crisp autumn air meets skin
You grapple for more covers

Anticipation culminates to hear
Leaves scuttling under foot
Brushing gently the grounds surface

Roadways grey sound off in the distance
Railways sound approaching
Distant trains echoing like autos
Aerating through mountain side tunnels

Acutely aware of existence
Holding your breath to hear
the slightest sound
of what happens next

Mustache Monday Vol. 19

http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saguinus_mystax

ummmmmmmm...I'm so lazy.

Two for Tuesday: normal v. busted MER

The picture on the right doesn't quite capture the fantastic amount of orbital, nasal and zygomatic swelling that i've been rocking the last several days. In fact, i think it looks down right serene (that was the idea,what with the garden and budda behind me). besides the intese "fight" mode that i operated in the few hours following my accident (in which i maintained a strange level of clairty that i don't really recall now), it is my dedecution that straight nose mer would probably kick crooked nose mer's arse. i have been reduced to a jittery, small, frightened shell of myself from the extreme trauma of my "flight" down the stairs. i don't like being alone, and have taken to sleeping with pillows and blankets surrounding me, and having bizarre dreams that are downright terrifying.
i want my mommy.
overall, i am glad to have managed only to break my nose and fracture my eye socket in two places. i could have been left with a concussion or any manner of additional broken body parts. additionally, thank goodness i am young enough to learn the lesson "use the handrails when you walk down the stairs, even if they are gross and germ ridden" and "only princess diana never looked down as she walked down the stairs (God rest her soul), normal people don't do that."

Mustache Monday Vol. 18

This weekend I saw The Darjeeling Limited. It was REALLY good. Much better than that one with the boat. Honestly, go see it. It re-ignited my love for Jason Schwartzman in a way I never thought possible. And he has the most amazing mustache. No spoilers, but he's a little scrappy bite-sized sex god, and I want to have like ten thousand of his babies!

(click pic to make beeeeger and expeeereeence true mustawsomeness)

OH NOOOOEZ!

Due to an unfortunate disaster involving Ms. Disaster, this week's Philosopher Phriday is once again postponed. After an epic and violent fall from a flight of stairs in the style of Scarlett O'Hara, Ms. Disaster's proboscis is experiencing a bit of a displacement. The patient is in jovial spirits and reports that said body part resembles "parentheses."

An open letter to my period

Dear Period,

Where are you? I’ve been cranky for days now and am in a significant amount of pain. My stomach is puffy and I would really like to punch someone in the face. Doubling over and clutching my abdomen causes a dragon-like roar to emanate from my vocal cords. All of my clothes look terrible and yesterday I was forced to indulge in a serious case of retail therapy.

Look, I know I’m not knocked up because I haven’t been laid in a while, so what’s your problem? Don’t even think about starting tonight. I have a date with the 9:30 club and am expected to rock out to the sweet warbling of Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley. I fully intend to squelch your side-effects with ibuprofen, acetaminophen and pamabrom...so don’t even f*ck with me- you oppressive monthly plague.

Sincerely yours,

Ms. Disaster

is it lent yet?

holy crap this is funny

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_should_americans

Mustache Monday Vol. 17

a mustache makes a WORLD of difference. OBVS! look how much better these guys look with them! also, I will soon be launching the Mustache Monday street team!! that's right, randomly photographing and interviewing dudes around the way in Williamsburg and other NY locations...for the um, greater good of mustache aficionados everywhere.

This was supposed to be posted on Friday

tCNTM: reality tv for the old south

two for tuesday: work v. being homeless

certainly being impovrished is terrible and undesirable
but do these folks ever get yelled at
by people full of their own virtue?

there is a very fine thread that seperates the two
currently my thread is made of weak natural fibers
devoid of any thermo-plastic bits that might make it stronger

i'm seriously going to either check-out of this
whole "real world" b.s. and like
teach english in slovakia or china
OR
i am going to totally kick ass
& be in a more respected position.

but really, i just want to have fun...
reference this well-know Cindy Lauper song,

does any one else notice this theme developing
of 80s rocker chicks this week?
i say we go with it cb

Mustache Monday Vol. (SWEET) 16

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Natch, I'm not hatin' on Brit Brit, I loaf her. Nor am I commenting on her weight, she looks good, and anyway that's kindof what I look like in my skivvs, don't you wanna hit this shit...come to mama.... xo --Edit.

a day off for sex?

http://www.slate.com/id/2173643/

so the Russians get a day off for sex. um, yes please.

holden caulfield probably wouldn't have
said "gd" all of the time
if he was getting l@id regularly
because getting laid makes you a better person

glogging

me

"i would rather go to a party and get wasted than have children."

i like BOOM and you like BOOM

http://merdeclair.blogspot.com/2007/06/and-well-make-songs-too.html

***email transmission of the day***

M: flight of the conchords is on our blawg. totally.

C: DUDE I am blawgging about how they are the perfect boyfriends for us

M: do i get the long haired one?
you know how i love dudes from New Zealand (*wink wink*nod nod*)
huh huh. i so need to go on another backpack holiday.

C: DUH of course I get Jermaine (with the glasses and funny looking)

M: ok. i only hook up with dudes from NZ with long hair and no glasses.
bonus points if they also shear sheep.

C: “SHEAR”

M: yeah, shearing is cool.
dudes who shear sheep have muscles in their arms i've never seen before.
OH MY GOD.

C: Ummmmmm email exchange of the day?

M: that's what i was thinking. only it made my mind go in the gutter a little bit.
kind of like how dairy queen makes me throw up in my mouth a little
but i eat it anyways, you know, for old times sake.

C: I just ate this:

Minus the Wii
It made me hurl a little.

M: it looks hurl-a-licious. i want to get l@*d.

insert inappropriate dialogue for work email involving being inappropriate with NZ b0yz

p.s. i totally kind of suck at rapping.

C: My d1ck is like Super Size

Your d1ck look like two fries

M: my d1ck VIP

your d1ck need ID

remember the Antietam rap? dude, that totally tanked.
maybe if they had tanks back then it wouldn't have sucked so bad
it's not as cool to rap about like bayonets and Stonewall Jackson
(secretly I think it is, see my last email)

C: Man I can’t remember ANYTHING.

M: yeah, well i just had a conversation with a work colleague about
sn0rt*ng the ammonium nitrate stuff (??) that is in urinal cakes.
also, i got white out on my face, and it won't come off.
i wasn't trying to sn0rt it.

C: You are!

Mustache Monday Vol. 15

my pen is enormous!

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XI

Dear Philosopher,
I think I am in love with Lapo Elkann, the stylish but brilliantly troubled heir to the Fiat empire. How do non-rich/model/celebrity but cute and awesome grrls like me get their hands on such a man? Are we relegated to normalcy forever?
Lover of Lapo

Dear LOL,
The wish to acquire is in truth very natural and common, and men always do so when they can, and for this they will be praised not blamed; but when they cannot do so, yet wish to do so by any means,then there is folly and blame.

...just as those who draw landscapes place themselves below in the plain to contemplate the nature of the mountains and of lofty places, and in order to contemplate the plains place themselves upon high mountains, even so to understand the nature of the people it needs to be a prince, and to understand that if princes it needs to be of the people.

making up for lost blogging: THURSDAY

This is a "rap" me and me mate Charlie wrote while watching both the US Open and the Red Sox/Orioles game. The Red Sox won, and it was good clean fun. Below are the disjointed verses (click to make beeg!)

making up for lost blogging: TUESDAY

increasing exhaustion felt by existence
the majority of each day in this world
consumed amoung unspoken judgments
of obvious inability to be the expected

where sparkle is hailed
but the glean of their praise
is liken to the waxen surface of an apple
wrought with pesticides like a back-handed compliment

lungs collapse under heavy breath
bore down upon by suffocating air
“home” feels like a chamber
where ones head pounds numbly at these thoughts

grappling for comfort amoungst cotton sheets
& other textiles smooth to the hand
anything to provide a barrier between body
& loneliness, fear and self-provoked isolation

one doesn’t long for this seemingly
quite to the contrary
few & far between are the souls
deemed worthy of energetic love

which to bottle up empties
a part of the force
as if there were crevices
from which it to spill

unfailing memories of those lost
pose to haunt at the first sign of weakness
despite endless internalizing
externalizing, exercising of exorcises

maybe this is what one must traverse
for to be full up
containing of a resonating, warming
insular sense of soundness

reconciling sense of self to the makeup of externality
grasping for the embrace I’ve always felt
beauty exuded
would meet up with in truth

xo, merlikethesea

3,000-year-old beehives unearthed!

Philosophy Phriday: What do you think?

Ms. Disaster is going on a debauch holiday. i know what you are thinking. right? like she needs one. Here is the question for the Philosopher who is totally passed out from what i hear.

Dear Philosopher:

My neighbour was wasted the other day at my local watering hole and hit on me inappropriately. Now i wonder if he is like looking in my windows at night and peeping me in my skivvies. How should i handle this horribly uncomfortable situation?

Weirded out in Smallsville

withnail & i

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/12493769525206137149/Withnail-and-You

omg...there is a test regarding my favorite movie ever

you probably haven't seen it, but then again

you probably aren't as cool as barry

Dopplegangers

Two for Tuesday Showdown: Hair of the Dog

"hair of the dog" is a fairly new term to me though the concept is most certainly not. apparently others have heard of this term as well... for example, it is: a brewing company, Irish folk band, and the title of a song with the most ridiculous lyrics i've ever seen (a must read). i could seriously use some of this right now...you're thinkin, jaysus girl, it's tuesday. let's just say, i cave under peer pressure easily.

Mustache Monday (Vacation Edition) Vol. 14 (I think)

sorry Mer, I just can't not do it.


--Mustache Addict

Merlikethesea Monday

So yeah, it’s Monday, there is supposed to be some ridiculous bravado regarding mustaches today. But here is the thing…I really don’t like facial hair and Claire is out on holiday. So this is what you’re going to get…an actual, like ferreal update on my life that may give you some perspective on the ridiculous nature of my “blawgs”.

First of all, I am supposed to be “hitting the pavement hard” in search of a new job in this land of opportunity called America. However, after a week of constant house guests (love you guys) and the subsequent week of borderline Epstein-Barr, flu-like symptoms, the only thing that was accomplished was a half-arsed application in San Francisco. Though the thought of a city built on a hill with a temperate climate, bay breeze, and Irish bars galore as well as easy access to concerts at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley all sound brilliant…it is probably entirely unrealistic.

While in my sickly haze I also read Freakonomics and the first three Harry Potter books (again). My life can be so exciting sometimes.

This weekend, I am visiting the ole’ university/gentleman caller for some football game/tailgating action. Did anyone see the Princeton Review? WVU is back on top as the #1 party school, and our football team is ranked pre-season #3. Heck, that is something to be proud of (i guess), except that means even more New Jersey S-head McF-faces running around and traffic that moves slower than you can walk.

Also on the agenda is visiting the fam, which would be great if all that entailed was hanging out with my maniacal mer-miniature niece who reeks havoc wherever her ginger haired self happens to be (see above). But being as it may this will probably include all-of-the-following:

a) attempts at being guilt-tripped into church
b) being told that I am going to hell and/or
c) never going to find a suitable mate outside of a church function

It is just a little bit too much to bear. Maybe I will just skip out on it all together.

At least I am not living in my own personal sauna today. I hate summer.