someone needs a vacation (to iOwa)

maybe some meditation?

MER?!

Mer and I have been busy! Our last post was over 2 months ago!?! Say it ain't so!!! Anyway, life is good. She has a great boyfriend and moved to a big city and got a new job! I just got a new job, but it is so flipping sweet I don't even know what to say about it, other than it's on teh interwebs and it is NOT pr0n and it is teh awesome!!! Lolz.

Miss yoooooooooou!


xoxoxoxox

Claire [de Mer de Clair(e)]

lazy superficial asses

We haven’t blogged at ALL…….

How about a tribute to Benazir Bhutto? She was SOOOO pretty and fabulous…it’s sad when beautiful politicians die…she’s like Kennedy or Princess Di…

Plus I loaf the name Benazir.

whoa! i didn't know she died. (this was at like 9 a.m. -Edit) AHHHH that is so f'd up!!!

It makes my heart break a little more with the death of glamour. JFK jr, Caroline Bessette, Princess Di.

Beautiful people aren't supposed to die...

Yeah, she was ASSASINATED. That’s so gangsta, right?

She was so freaking beautiful. Looked like Etheline Tenenbaum.

that IS gangsta. kind of a neat way to go i suppose.

on a side note. i have mad g@s.

THREE HOURS PASS
(on the telephone)

C: What are we going to blawg about?
M: Let's blawg about Daniel Day-Lewis and Benizar (sic) Bhutto.
C: I am too lazy to do that, I am going to put up this picture of a really fat cat
M: Are you even going to "paint" on it?
C: Yeah.

Mustache Monday Vol. 26

Ceská Republika Edition

Noooo, don't shave it...

Also has a pretty mouth.

(Missing Mer) Mustache Monday Vol. 25

MER IS OFF BEING A BOHEMIAN IN PRAHA.

I'M IN TEH OFFICE BEING BORED AND LOOKING FOR NEW JOBS.

unhhh...m.i.t.g.

Two for Tuesday: normal v. busted MER

The picture on the right doesn't quite capture the fantastic amount of orbital, nasal and zygomatic swelling that i've been rocking the last several days. In fact, i think it looks down right serene (that was the idea,what with the garden and budda behind me). besides the intese "fight" mode that i operated in the few hours following my accident (in which i maintained a strange level of clairty that i don't really recall now), it is my dedecution that straight nose mer would probably kick crooked nose mer's arse. i have been reduced to a jittery, small, frightened shell of myself from the extreme trauma of my "flight" down the stairs. i don't like being alone, and have taken to sleeping with pillows and blankets surrounding me, and having bizarre dreams that are downright terrifying.
i want my mommy.
overall, i am glad to have managed only to break my nose and fracture my eye socket in two places. i could have been left with a concussion or any manner of additional broken body parts. additionally, thank goodness i am young enough to learn the lesson "use the handrails when you walk down the stairs, even if they are gross and germ ridden" and "only princess diana never looked down as she walked down the stairs (God rest her soul), normal people don't do that."

OH NOOOOEZ!

Due to an unfortunate disaster involving Ms. Disaster, this week's Philosopher Phriday is once again postponed. After an epic and violent fall from a flight of stairs in the style of Scarlett O'Hara, Ms. Disaster's proboscis is experiencing a bit of a displacement. The patient is in jovial spirits and reports that said body part resembles "parentheses."

two for tuesday: work v. being homeless

certainly being impovrished is terrible and undesirable
but do these folks ever get yelled at
by people full of their own virtue?

there is a very fine thread that seperates the two
currently my thread is made of weak natural fibers
devoid of any thermo-plastic bits that might make it stronger

i'm seriously going to either check-out of this
whole "real world" b.s. and like
teach english in slovakia or china
OR
i am going to totally kick ass
& be in a more respected position.

but really, i just want to have fun...
reference this well-know Cindy Lauper song,

does any one else notice this theme developing
of 80s rocker chicks this week?
i say we go with it cb

***email transmission of the day***

M: flight of the conchords is on our blawg. totally.

C: DUDE I am blawgging about how they are the perfect boyfriends for us

M: do i get the long haired one?
you know how i love dudes from New Zealand (*wink wink*nod nod*)
huh huh. i so need to go on another backpack holiday.

C: DUH of course I get Jermaine (with the glasses and funny looking)

M: ok. i only hook up with dudes from NZ with long hair and no glasses.
bonus points if they also shear sheep.

C: “SHEAR”

M: yeah, shearing is cool.
dudes who shear sheep have muscles in their arms i've never seen before.
OH MY GOD.

C: Ummmmmm email exchange of the day?

M: that's what i was thinking. only it made my mind go in the gutter a little bit.
kind of like how dairy queen makes me throw up in my mouth a little
but i eat it anyways, you know, for old times sake.

C: I just ate this:

Minus the Wii
It made me hurl a little.

M: it looks hurl-a-licious. i want to get l@*d.

insert inappropriate dialogue for work email involving being inappropriate with NZ b0yz

p.s. i totally kind of suck at rapping.

C: My d1ck is like Super Size

Your d1ck look like two fries

M: my d1ck VIP

your d1ck need ID

remember the Antietam rap? dude, that totally tanked.
maybe if they had tanks back then it wouldn't have sucked so bad
it's not as cool to rap about like bayonets and Stonewall Jackson
(secretly I think it is, see my last email)

C: Man I can’t remember ANYTHING.

M: yeah, well i just had a conversation with a work colleague about
sn0rt*ng the ammonium nitrate stuff (??) that is in urinal cakes.
also, i got white out on my face, and it won't come off.
i wasn't trying to sn0rt it.

C: You are!

Philosophy Phriday: What do you think?

Ms. Disaster is going on a debauch holiday. i know what you are thinking. right? like she needs one. Here is the question for the Philosopher who is totally passed out from what i hear.

Dear Philosopher:

My neighbour was wasted the other day at my local watering hole and hit on me inappropriately. Now i wonder if he is like looking in my windows at night and peeping me in my skivvies. How should i handle this horribly uncomfortable situation?

Weirded out in Smallsville

the cafe where i was somehow insulted in another language

This is a picture of me holding a lovely plate of fancy sandwiches in a café in Vienna, Austria. Craig made it fancy. I love him.

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. VII

Dear Philosopher,

I really want to live and work in our nations capital. However, is only applying to jobs there defining my own destiny without allowing the universe to offer guidance? Should I be more open to options and look elsewhere as well?

Seeking A Path

Dear SAP,

There are only two ways to conquer destiny or be independent of it. One is to enquire for whom is this destiny and discover that only the ego is bound by destiny and not the Self and that the ego is non-existent. The other way is to kill the ego by completely surrendering to the Lord, by realizing one's helplessness and saying all the time, 'Not I, but Thou, oh Lord' and giving up all sense of 'I' and ‘mine’, and leaving it to the Lord to do what he likes with you. Complete effacement of the ego is necessary to conquer destiny, whether you achieve this effacement through Self-enquiry or bhakti marga (path).

Philosopher Phriday, Interim Edition

Good Afternoon. Meredyth Disaster is on a Business Trip. I'm Claire Balderson for the BBC World Service. Due to Ms. Disaster's absence, in lieu of Philosopher Phriday, may I present "Philosopher Phriday Phroduct Phlacement!" (Now with Buttery Goodness™)

You can now own THIS DESIGN on the Tshirt, Hoodie, or Totebag of your choice, courtesy of noisebot.com.

http://www.noisebot.com/waxing_philosophic_pla-to_t-shirt

it's TEHHHHH AWESOME!!!

Rockies v. Padres: i almost caught a fly ball

well, ok, maybe i didn't. they look so lovely lofting through the air that i must have dreamt it. i did decide that attending baseball games is my new favorite thing. f'n hebrew national hot dogs, copious amounts of beer, cheering protocol. i freakin love it...i thought they only did the wave at football games?!? no no...baseball is much more exciting, much more dramatic interactions, as if the players on the team were actually players in a theatrical production. their movements as choreographed as a ballet. to watch them move is to witness an intricate dance, a beautiful repercussive display. i love it. i love it all, every detail, every bit of minutia (and if you know me, you know i HATE minutia). p.g. said, "it's all about baseball" and i concur. baseball reflects all the beauty that is missing out of life. and to those that mess with that purity i say, "you ought to be ashamed".

tangent while on travel for work

it's ok claire.

i've some great ideas for mustache monday. if only we didn't have real jobs that kept us from doing more interesting things like writing poetry, blawgs, painting, making puppets, movies, and mayhem ALL THE TIME. one day that will be our job. we will be awesome at it, and there won't be any misogynistic men or bureaucracy to hold us down. it is going to be more like bureaucrazy! and loyal readers (are there any of you?), i plan on scoring this weekend. tmi you say? naw, not when you see the brilliancy that eminates from a satiated woman. ima gonna be like the opposite of elaine in that Seinfeld where she is dating the med student who thinks that abstinence improves clarity, but elaine can't think for shite. no way, i'm going to be the opposite. next mustache monday might just kind of rule the world.

xo, merlikethesea

WV is Calling (for intelligent boyz)

has anyone else seen the plethora
of signage declaring, "West Virginia is Calling"
at Metro Center in DC?
http://wviscalling.com/

DC: "This is the District's multitute of hot young professional men."
WV: "Howdy, this iz West Virginia, where yal at?" *

*spoken in a country accent, ending in a preposition
love me, love my dialect

redwood forest fairy

I believe in everything until it's disproved.

So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.

It all exists, even if it's in your mind.

Who's to say that dreams and nightmares

aren't as real as the here and now?

- John Lennon

the economist

Note: this blog is a redo…the original is written on a United Airlines napkin and is probably littering San Francisco.

i was perusing the magazine racks at the airport, looking for some flight reading (get it?). After considering the highly intellectual publications of “Jane” and “OK”, i decided that perhaps it was time i started reading about things like climate change (which the economist cover boasted) as opposed to fashion magazines and classic novels that i fall asleep reading after like ten pages.

It is strange that i would buy “the Economist”, because not only did i hate Economics in college, i actually cried studying for my Microeconomics final because i couldn’t hack it and knew a “C” was inevitable (it was & in hindsight, who cares).

As i was saying…”the Economist” had me at Ahern (lame reference!), Bertie Ahern. Its pictures are sparse yet affecting (bertie sporting a fantastic pink striped tie). In addition, their articles actually continue on the next page (Vogue, for the love of all things great and small, please take note). This greatly facilitates my non-linear pattern of reading which usually includes reading things completely disjointed until the entirety is read.

By the end of the flight (which Craig so diligently tracked- he’s a doll, we are getting married tomorrow should you like to throw us a party)…i had read nearly everything, saving Tony Blair’s “lessons learned” essay for the return flight. As soon as i move to DC, i am tewtelly subscribing, using the subscription envelope (hello, brilliant!). Long story short, read “the Economist” and “the Alchemist” while you’re at it...they’ll change your life, and if they don’t, you probably don’t get it anyways. You probably also fell asleep on a tray table during a “red eye” flight across our fine country and have a serious crick in your neck…oh wait, that’s me.
xo, mer

mer likes the sea