Monday Without Metadate

a fire's remains

damp ashen and grey
all smouldering subsides

unable to sustain
burning in one place
consuming paths

in it's own to perpetuate

take shelter from the flames

before you lose your way

in muddled half life's measure

True Lyaf: mer should donate her body to science

So today a friend suggested that i blog about my health, so here i go…

My way of dealing with the strange illnesses that befall me is to talk about them…mostly because they are strange to the point of even confounding medical practitioners. But also, they are generally really good fodder for making fun of myself.

Yesterday, I was told that I’ll need to have a third surgery in less than a year pretty soon. Wait no, I don’t want to talk about that right now…let’s take it back a bit.

For some f*ng reason, out of nowhere (this January or so) I started developing pain which envelops my entire body. Turns out it's this awesome neurological condition called Fibromyalgia. Waking up in the morning was like escaping a cocoon, a real $h*t @$$ cocoon. It felt like I needed to peel my body open, limb by limb, finger by finger until I was an upright, fully evolved/anatomically correct human being. I am sure the resulting person resembled nothing of a butterfly, but rather a big whiney wreck of a girl.

Sometimes this process took over 30 minutes, just to get out of bed. Often, I couldn’t walk, so I would drag myself across the floor on my forearms like a frustrated baby trying to get at some primary colored toy. {I can say that definitively, as I recently watched my nephew with fascination as he attempted this feat} Only I mostly just had to get to the loo with the same sense of desperation and determination before I peed my pants. I never actually thought I was going to pee my pants, yes I did, no I didn’t. What?

Ironically enough, it was my sweet boyfriend who made me get out of bed each morning, and without him, I’d probably be homeless by now. Seriously…homeless, writhing around on my belly, drunk as hell.

That boy must love me.

Why I Eyes Ya.

This is my favorite thing of the last few months. My life is pretty exciting.



Love, Claire

go OOOOObama!

So I was totally on the fence about Obama or Edwards, but after two states and this ridiculous email (see below) merlikethesea is OFFICIALLY an OBAMA grrl.

*********WARNING: COMPLETE CRAP**********
Who is Barack Obama? Something that should be considered when you make your choice. If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all Your contacts...it is very scary to think of what could lie ahead for us Here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it. We checked this out on " snopes.Com". It is factual. Check for yourself.

Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. Presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born In Honolulu , Hawaii , to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM From Nyangoma-Kogel , Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Athiest from Wichita , Kansas .

Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii . When Obama was two Years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya His
Mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia . When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia . Obama Attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta . He also spent two years in a Catholic school. Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is Quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also Attended Catholic school." Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that he is not a radical.
Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this Influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned To Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct Influence over his son's education. Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, Introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school In Jakarta . Wahabism is the RADICAL ISLAMIC teaching that is followed by the Muslim Terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since It is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major Public office in the United States , Barack Hussein Obama has joined The United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim Background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.

Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience nor
Will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands
Over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.
Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential Candidacy. The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside Out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States , one of their own!!!! Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading Our country?..... NOT ME!!!
***************************************************
Actually, I DID research this using their link to snopes.com and it in fact says that their accusations are FALSE.

Here is my response:

To all:

Concerning the "information" written below (sic), I would like to see where this rant is derived from. It seems to be quite sensationalist and discriminatory. I somehow doubt that a leading Presidential candidate would turn his back on the flag of the nation he hopes to lead.

Religion has been a contentious issue among presidential candidates since JFK was called into question for being Catholic. Opponents accused that there was no way a Catholic president could govern without mandate from the Vatican, to which JFK responded that his religion in no way would effect his decisions and ability to lead the United States of America. America is after all the melting pot, and the separation of church and state is a founding principle.

Barack Obama is widely recognized as a candidate for positive change, one whose message is one of collaboration among parties, not division. His record is consistent with his message, and to hear him speak, you get the feeling that he genuinely seems sincere about his commitment to the American people. The fact that he is black and possibly at one time practiced Islam is irrelevant to me. Our beloved Robert C. Byrd was admittedly a member of the KKK at one time, a bigoted and racist organization. Look at all of the wonderful things he has done for the state of West Virginia.

I plead with all of you to take a closer look into the candidates. Look at what their record speaks of and where they stand on the REAL issues.
Please do not let your VITAL and IMPORTANT vote be swayed by fear mongering and hearsay.

Your fellow citizen,

merlikethesea

lazy superficial asses

We haven’t blogged at ALL…….

How about a tribute to Benazir Bhutto? She was SOOOO pretty and fabulous…it’s sad when beautiful politicians die…she’s like Kennedy or Princess Di…

Plus I loaf the name Benazir.

whoa! i didn't know she died. (this was at like 9 a.m. -Edit) AHHHH that is so f'd up!!!

It makes my heart break a little more with the death of glamour. JFK jr, Caroline Bessette, Princess Di.

Beautiful people aren't supposed to die...

Yeah, she was ASSASINATED. That’s so gangsta, right?

She was so freaking beautiful. Looked like Etheline Tenenbaum.

that IS gangsta. kind of a neat way to go i suppose.

on a side note. i have mad g@s.

THREE HOURS PASS
(on the telephone)

C: What are we going to blawg about?
M: Let's blawg about Daniel Day-Lewis and Benizar (sic) Bhutto.
C: I am too lazy to do that, I am going to put up this picture of a really fat cat
M: Are you even going to "paint" on it?
C: Yeah.

Happy Halloween!!

Just another day at the office.

Two for Tuesday: normal v. busted MER

The picture on the right doesn't quite capture the fantastic amount of orbital, nasal and zygomatic swelling that i've been rocking the last several days. In fact, i think it looks down right serene (that was the idea,what with the garden and budda behind me). besides the intese "fight" mode that i operated in the few hours following my accident (in which i maintained a strange level of clairty that i don't really recall now), it is my dedecution that straight nose mer would probably kick crooked nose mer's arse. i have been reduced to a jittery, small, frightened shell of myself from the extreme trauma of my "flight" down the stairs. i don't like being alone, and have taken to sleeping with pillows and blankets surrounding me, and having bizarre dreams that are downright terrifying.
i want my mommy.
overall, i am glad to have managed only to break my nose and fracture my eye socket in two places. i could have been left with a concussion or any manner of additional broken body parts. additionally, thank goodness i am young enough to learn the lesson "use the handrails when you walk down the stairs, even if they are gross and germ ridden" and "only princess diana never looked down as she walked down the stairs (God rest her soul), normal people don't do that."

OH NOOOOEZ!

Due to an unfortunate disaster involving Ms. Disaster, this week's Philosopher Phriday is once again postponed. After an epic and violent fall from a flight of stairs in the style of Scarlett O'Hara, Ms. Disaster's proboscis is experiencing a bit of a displacement. The patient is in jovial spirits and reports that said body part resembles "parentheses."

me

"i would rather go to a party and get wasted than have children."

i like BOOM and you like BOOM

http://merdeclair.blogspot.com/2007/06/and-well-make-songs-too.html

withnail & i

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/12493769525206137149/Withnail-and-You

omg...there is a test regarding my favorite movie ever

you probably haven't seen it, but then again

you probably aren't as cool as barry

Two for Tuesday Showdown: Hair of the Dog

"hair of the dog" is a fairly new term to me though the concept is most certainly not. apparently others have heard of this term as well... for example, it is: a brewing company, Irish folk band, and the title of a song with the most ridiculous lyrics i've ever seen (a must read). i could seriously use some of this right now...you're thinkin, jaysus girl, it's tuesday. let's just say, i cave under peer pressure easily.

**drunk voice mail dictation**

Claire leaves the best messages at like 3 am. It’s not a bootie call cause she’s my bffr, it’s drunk dialing and it flippin’ rules.

Ejemplo uno

Hey Mer, it’s Claire. I’m wasted baetch. I don’t know (pause) what are you doing? I’m drunk son…~indiscernible babble~ Almost got into a fight with these girls…I think it’s because they’re white & getting pizza. Huh huh. I don’t even know, but it sucks. One girl was trying to be all in my face and I was all like ~nicey nice voice blah blah~ so I gave her my pizza. I’m not sure what happened. It’s so f#*ked up. Maybe dudes will call be & that’d be awesome. Loaf you, bye!!!

Ejemplo dos

Mer, it’s Claire! I’m so wasted. I’m @ this party. I don’t even know what’s going on. I’m f*#king wasted. There’s disco, listen! I’m so drunk, I feel nauseous. I think I am gonna hurl. I’m going to try to find a place to hurl. Mer! I love you, love you a lot (in gargled dinosaur voice).

**email transmission of thursday: help me**

Mer sends this to Clarie (CB) and Craig (CM)...
Craig just hung up on me. tell him i’m brain dead.

CM: I said "I hate the phone" and you said "I hate you too". I am crying right now :-(

M 2 CM: when i say that, it just means "i love you". plus i'm brain dead, and all my responses are guttural and perfunctory.

CM: teh :-)

M 2 CM: i feel like @ss

CM: just think about shania twain!

M 2 CM: can shania clone a non hungs mer?

M 2 CB: seriously. can you clone one of me that isn't hungs? what if i am developing bell's palsy?

CB: You aren’t!!!

CM: awwwww!! I wish I could make you feel better!

M 2 CM: me too, teh! i think i'm developing bell's palsy.

CM: no you aren't! don't even think those thoughts! or they will start to come true!! think of butterflies!! and amoebas!

M 2 CB: You’re right. my symptoms don't match at all. maybe it is just a Hemifacial Spasm.

CB: That’s what it is.

M 2 CB: ahh! it is the galway canal swans! maybe a swan hit me in the face with it's beak. those guys are vicious!

CB: It beak slapped you?

M: yeah, and made me fall and scrap my elbow too. it wasn't the vino, it was the swan.

CB: Heh. Teh. My butt hurts.

M: it was the hot dogs. i hear they make your butt hurt, especially if you eat them real fast.

CB: Totally. BUTT I woke up with my butt hurting before I ate said dog. I think I was nekid, too…umm…

M: were you singing a tiffany song?

drunk dialing is teh awesome

1:09 am
claire to mer...

i'm straight up drunk dialing yo' ass
i'm drunk (rick james)
i'm...two for tuesdays! (in trucker voice)

loaf you! (in sweetest voice ever)

west virginia weekendz: vol. 2

last weekend was crazy
my hetero-life-mate (HLM) was in town
i’ve got enough shake face pictures for 3 blogs
so many in fact
that i think i’m suffering from a mild concussion
which was exacerbated by doing cartwheels and interpretive dance
also, i fell out of a rocking chair
Charlie had to carry me and apparently i commented
“Charlie, you’re so strong”
hilarious

alienated an already annoyed captain awesome
by texting such brilliant bits of comedic genius like
“we can’t find the mescaline”
while drunkenly exploring Cameron’s cacti
(non-hallucinogenic of course)

i feel guilty about bothering him
and am def-o giving myself a mental nine rounds as penance
if only things were as Ferris Bueller said,
“you can never take it too far”

there are plenty of “mer loves everyone” photos
i kissed some dude at the scourge of the earth, Tony’s, ugh
so class
i really do love everyone

unfortunately, i am suffering from post-weekend insanity depression
(that’s in the DSM-IV…totally legit)
and really just want to curl up in bed and have a good cry
so, if my blogs seem less inspired this week
blame it on PWID which probably has something to do with
this crazy Peruvian liquor i was doing shots of

p.s. Jim Sheridan’s “get rich or die tryin” is better than you think…50 cents story is reflective of the archetypal Irish immigrants, totally.

goldilocks thinks this beer is just right

BUY MER AN OLD SPECKLED HEN AT THE BRICKSKELLER

and yes, she realizes that this references two different fairy tales

this weekend! NIGHTZOUT!!! Antietam styleeeeeeee!!!

click teh make it beeeg...Abe Lincoln is Mr. Lova Lova!

i got yr Lincoln Logs right hurrrrr.

click fer biggrrr