Ovulating Urges? Find Jesus.

Happy Halloween!!

Just another day at the office.

Two for Tuesday: normal v. busted MER

The picture on the right doesn't quite capture the fantastic amount of orbital, nasal and zygomatic swelling that i've been rocking the last several days. In fact, i think it looks down right serene (that was the idea,what with the garden and budda behind me). besides the intese "fight" mode that i operated in the few hours following my accident (in which i maintained a strange level of clairty that i don't really recall now), it is my dedecution that straight nose mer would probably kick crooked nose mer's arse. i have been reduced to a jittery, small, frightened shell of myself from the extreme trauma of my "flight" down the stairs. i don't like being alone, and have taken to sleeping with pillows and blankets surrounding me, and having bizarre dreams that are downright terrifying.
i want my mommy.
overall, i am glad to have managed only to break my nose and fracture my eye socket in two places. i could have been left with a concussion or any manner of additional broken body parts. additionally, thank goodness i am young enough to learn the lesson "use the handrails when you walk down the stairs, even if they are gross and germ ridden" and "only princess diana never looked down as she walked down the stairs (God rest her soul), normal people don't do that."

This was supposed to be posted on Friday

***email transmission of the day***

M: flight of the conchords is on our blawg. totally.

C: DUDE I am blawgging about how they are the perfect boyfriends for us

M: do i get the long haired one?
you know how i love dudes from New Zealand (*wink wink*nod nod*)
huh huh. i so need to go on another backpack holiday.

C: DUH of course I get Jermaine (with the glasses and funny looking)

M: ok. i only hook up with dudes from NZ with long hair and no glasses.
bonus points if they also shear sheep.

C: “SHEAR”

M: yeah, shearing is cool.
dudes who shear sheep have muscles in their arms i've never seen before.
OH MY GOD.

C: Ummmmmm email exchange of the day?

M: that's what i was thinking. only it made my mind go in the gutter a little bit.
kind of like how dairy queen makes me throw up in my mouth a little
but i eat it anyways, you know, for old times sake.

C: I just ate this:

Minus the Wii
It made me hurl a little.

M: it looks hurl-a-licious. i want to get l@*d.

insert inappropriate dialogue for work email involving being inappropriate with NZ b0yz

p.s. i totally kind of suck at rapping.

C: My d1ck is like Super Size

Your d1ck look like two fries

M: my d1ck VIP

your d1ck need ID

remember the Antietam rap? dude, that totally tanked.
maybe if they had tanks back then it wouldn't have sucked so bad
it's not as cool to rap about like bayonets and Stonewall Jackson
(secretly I think it is, see my last email)

C: Man I can’t remember ANYTHING.

M: yeah, well i just had a conversation with a work colleague about
sn0rt*ng the ammonium nitrate stuff (??) that is in urinal cakes.
also, i got white out on my face, and it won't come off.
i wasn't trying to sn0rt it.

C: You are!

Philosophy Phriday: What do you think?

Ms. Disaster is going on a debauch holiday. i know what you are thinking. right? like she needs one. Here is the question for the Philosopher who is totally passed out from what i hear.

Dear Philosopher:

My neighbour was wasted the other day at my local watering hole and hit on me inappropriately. Now i wonder if he is like looking in my windows at night and peeping me in my skivvies. How should i handle this horribly uncomfortable situation?

Weirded out in Smallsville

Merlikethesea Monday

So yeah, it’s Monday, there is supposed to be some ridiculous bravado regarding mustaches today. But here is the thing…I really don’t like facial hair and Claire is out on holiday. So this is what you’re going to get…an actual, like ferreal update on my life that may give you some perspective on the ridiculous nature of my “blawgs”.

First of all, I am supposed to be “hitting the pavement hard” in search of a new job in this land of opportunity called America. However, after a week of constant house guests (love you guys) and the subsequent week of borderline Epstein-Barr, flu-like symptoms, the only thing that was accomplished was a half-arsed application in San Francisco. Though the thought of a city built on a hill with a temperate climate, bay breeze, and Irish bars galore as well as easy access to concerts at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley all sound brilliant…it is probably entirely unrealistic.

While in my sickly haze I also read Freakonomics and the first three Harry Potter books (again). My life can be so exciting sometimes.

This weekend, I am visiting the ole’ university/gentleman caller for some football game/tailgating action. Did anyone see the Princeton Review? WVU is back on top as the #1 party school, and our football team is ranked pre-season #3. Heck, that is something to be proud of (i guess), except that means even more New Jersey S-head McF-faces running around and traffic that moves slower than you can walk.

Also on the agenda is visiting the fam, which would be great if all that entailed was hanging out with my maniacal mer-miniature niece who reeks havoc wherever her ginger haired self happens to be (see above). But being as it may this will probably include all-of-the-following:

a) attempts at being guilt-tripped into church
b) being told that I am going to hell and/or
c) never going to find a suitable mate outside of a church function

It is just a little bit too much to bear. Maybe I will just skip out on it all together.

At least I am not living in my own personal sauna today. I hate summer.

***email transmission of the day***

Mer sends…

Subject: the alchie
is making me burn up
it is burning through my pores

C: Uh oh…

M: i know. i am going to be consumed in flames right directly.
what is the super hero that does that?

C: The flame? Yo no se.

M: Ahh hah! Brilliant!

The Human Torch (Johnny Storm) is a fictional character, a Marvel Comics superhero who is a member of the Fantastic Four. First appearing in Fantastic Four #1 November 1961, he was created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby, although he was based on the Golden Age character of the same name, created by Carl Burgos.
Like the rest of the Fantastic Four, the Human Torch gained his powers on a spacecraft bombarded by cosmic rays. He can fly, control fire and safely surround himself in flames. "Flame on!", which the Torch customarily shouts when activating his full-body flame effect, has become his catchphrase.
The youngest of the group, he is brash and thrill-seeking when compared to the more cautious Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman, his brother-in-law and sister, and the grumbling Thing.

C: Flame on, Mer. Flame on.

gained his powers on a spacecraft bombarded by cosmic rays. (err BOOZE)

M: exactly. we could also work that into that Hemingway quote i sent you earlier.

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” - Ernest Hemingway

so if you're wasted and say you're like invincible or can burst into flames like you HAVE to be when you're sober.

C: Teh?!?!?