Mustache Monday Vol. 10!?!?!?!?

Today we're celebrating TEN long weeks of Mustache Mondays! On a Tuesday. Yeah.

Anyway, Mustache Fan, I have a doozie for you, he's a real 10! Meet BURKE!

In his own words, via his representation:

Heard you wanted to do a piece o’ journalism on me. You picked the right man, cause I’m a bona fide celeb, babe. Just hope you’re not workin’ for one o them communist propaganda papers like the New York Times…

About ME

Former kick-ass tennis star turned even more kick-ass Broadway star (Burke! on Broadway), I moved back home a couple a years ago to Hog Shooter, Alabama to teach munchkins the finer points of tennis. How was I supposed to know that they would all be so f*cking terrible? Seriously, if one of those little runts didn’t run away crying everytime I fired a 90 mile an hour ace at ‘em from across the court, I could make a champion outta him (or her, I guess a few girls are playing tennis nowadays). Come on, Timmy, you’re afraid of a little ball?! It bounces and it’s covered in felt! Stop being a nancyboy! It takes everything I’ve got not to curse those twerps out every goddamn day of my life.

Other than that my interests are cowboy boots, skeetshooting belt buckles, and pabst blue ribbon. Oh, and ladies. I’m also interested in ladies. Especially groups of ladies. A gaggle of ladies, if you will. And the ladies are interested in me.

--Burke

EDIT: So that was what Burke wrote for you. I should tell you a few things about Burke though. First, he’s a chronic exaggerator. He was a pro tennis player for a while, though he was mediocre at best. He did have an amazingly fast serve, but lacked the control to keep it in bounds most of the time. He was even worse on stage, in his flop Burke! on Broadway. The show ended after a two week run and a loss of $2 million because it was so god-awful. He does love cowboy boots, and always wore them onto the court before a match; he would even warm up in them, changing to sneakers just before play began. And he does like the ladies, though the ladies don’t like him. Unless he pays them.

I love ya, Burke! I wouldn't call me a lady though, ha ha ha nrrmmm nrmmmnn. Yr mustache is RILLY championship!