True Lyaf: mer should donate her body to science

So today a friend suggested that i blog about my health, so here i go…

My way of dealing with the strange illnesses that befall me is to talk about them…mostly because they are strange to the point of even confounding medical practitioners. But also, they are generally really good fodder for making fun of myself.

Yesterday, I was told that I’ll need to have a third surgery in less than a year pretty soon. Wait no, I don’t want to talk about that right now…let’s take it back a bit.

For some f*ng reason, out of nowhere (this January or so) I started developing pain which envelops my entire body. Turns out it's this awesome neurological condition called Fibromyalgia. Waking up in the morning was like escaping a cocoon, a real $h*t @$$ cocoon. It felt like I needed to peel my body open, limb by limb, finger by finger until I was an upright, fully evolved/anatomically correct human being. I am sure the resulting person resembled nothing of a butterfly, but rather a big whiney wreck of a girl.

Sometimes this process took over 30 minutes, just to get out of bed. Often, I couldn’t walk, so I would drag myself across the floor on my forearms like a frustrated baby trying to get at some primary colored toy. {I can say that definitively, as I recently watched my nephew with fascination as he attempted this feat} Only I mostly just had to get to the loo with the same sense of desperation and determination before I peed my pants. I never actually thought I was going to pee my pants, yes I did, no I didn’t. What?

Ironically enough, it was my sweet boyfriend who made me get out of bed each morning, and without him, I’d probably be homeless by now. Seriously…homeless, writhing around on my belly, drunk as hell.

That boy must love me.

Why I Eyes Ya.

This is my favorite thing of the last few months. My life is pretty exciting.



Love, Claire

BEWARE: rat squirrelz in our nation's capital

so, on my coffee break today, a colleague and I were discussing

the possibility that the rats and squirrels in dc had cross-bred

and were producing these hidious rat-like squirrels.

the first time i spotted this bottle brush, slinking creature i was literally horrified. i mean, these creepazoids don't even hop, they CRAWL

Bob suggested we call it a "squat", which is quite appropriate,

however when you mix their Spanish names you get "ratardilla"

which aptly describes this entire thought process...

then i found out this $h*t is real

and suspect some Laotian Rock Rat smuggling operation,

which honestly, would make me feel much better about it somehow.

someone needs a vacation (to iOwa)

maybe some meditation?

Philosopher Phriday: Vol. XVI [Holy Crap Edition]

Dear Philosopher,

The economy is in the sh*tt3r, we’ve a lame duck in the oval office, and people are needlessly dying of hunger, disease, and war. i live in the center of the free world and am constantly reminded of all of this, mostly from loud mouthed young professionals. i totally care and stuff, but mostly i just want to listen to tunes, ride my bike and take the world in through my eyes like a tall drink of water. Does this mean i am shallow and a non-productive member of society? Is it possible that maybe positive energy can spark a light in all you see?

Aura Reflection/ Stable Economy

Dear ARSE:
…It is called the rebellion of the masses. In order to understand this formidable fact, it is important from the start to avoid giving to the words “rebellion,” “masses,” and “social power” a meaning exclusively or primarily political. Public life is not solely political, but equally, and even primarily, intellectual, moral, economic, religious; it comprises all our collective habits, including our fashions both of dress and of amusement.

Perhaps the best line of approach to this historical phenomenon may be found by turning our attention to a visual experience stressing one aspect of our epoch which is plain to our very eyes.

anger management issues

Philosopher Phriday: Volume XV- Tuesday Political Edition (IT'S FI_ICK*NG BACK)

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MER?!

Mer and I have been busy! Our last post was over 2 months ago!?! Say it ain't so!!! Anyway, life is good. She has a great boyfriend and moved to a big city and got a new job! I just got a new job, but it is so flipping sweet I don't even know what to say about it, other than it's on teh interwebs and it is NOT pr0n and it is teh awesome!!! Lolz.

Miss yoooooooooou!


xoxoxoxox

Claire [de Mer de Clair(e)]

p'rod from HELL.

merrion-clairester dictionary

merumba - a dance that culminates in participants falling in a less then graceful fashion

mertastic - when something is so phenomenal it ultimately ends in disaster

merination - something so all-consumingly hilarious that you pee in your pants a little

meritics - a political group whose main campaigning strategy involves giving high fives

mernomics - a social science that studies the distribution of disasters correlated to the consumption of alcohol per capita

the merited nations - an international group that strives to simultaneously maintain complete chaos and destruction as well as puppies, rainbows and sunshine.